truth
That irritating Britney Spears said "Can you handle my truth?"
And I wonder...can anyone handle my truth?
The night before I found out I'm carrying a baby inside me, I had decided to take my own life. I had it all planned out, and I was gonna give myself just one more day to make sure that when I'm gone, nothing get's screwed up. No suicide letters. Just a suicide. I had planned the last day of my life, and nobody knew. When I woke up in the morning, I had severe vomitting which I assumed was just another hangover from all the drinking. I opened my dresser drawer to take some painkillers, and realised that I still had a pregnancy test kit which I haven't used. A few hours later, I decided to use it. What the heck, I thought. Noone's gonna use it anway when I'm gone.
And then there was the dark, distinctive blue + . It's positive. I'm pregnant. I couldn't believe it. I cried. Suddenly I knew the test kit was not defective. Suddenly, I felt like a new person. But me being me, I took a trip to the doctor's for a confirmation. And yes. I'm a month pregnant. Of course.
I floated back home. My mind seemed detached from my body. "You're crazy!" I kept telling myself. "You've been smoking and drinking like nobody's business! You're gonna harm the baby!" And for the next few hours, all I did was plan. No, I wasn't continuing my plan to die. I was planning for my routine check-ups, medical leave...I was planning for a new life.
And that, was what happened around 4 months ago.
Who could have believed it? I don't want to believe it either. But it's the truth. And I handled my truth. If I hadn't used that last pregnancy test kit... IF. I'm sick of IFs.
I've found a new lease of life, and I'm not letting it go.
And I wonder...can anyone handle my truth?
The night before I found out I'm carrying a baby inside me, I had decided to take my own life. I had it all planned out, and I was gonna give myself just one more day to make sure that when I'm gone, nothing get's screwed up. No suicide letters. Just a suicide. I had planned the last day of my life, and nobody knew. When I woke up in the morning, I had severe vomitting which I assumed was just another hangover from all the drinking. I opened my dresser drawer to take some painkillers, and realised that I still had a pregnancy test kit which I haven't used. A few hours later, I decided to use it. What the heck, I thought. Noone's gonna use it anway when I'm gone.
And then there was the dark, distinctive blue + . It's positive. I'm pregnant. I couldn't believe it. I cried. Suddenly I knew the test kit was not defective. Suddenly, I felt like a new person. But me being me, I took a trip to the doctor's for a confirmation. And yes. I'm a month pregnant. Of course.
I floated back home. My mind seemed detached from my body. "You're crazy!" I kept telling myself. "You've been smoking and drinking like nobody's business! You're gonna harm the baby!" And for the next few hours, all I did was plan. No, I wasn't continuing my plan to die. I was planning for my routine check-ups, medical leave...I was planning for a new life.
And that, was what happened around 4 months ago.
Who could have believed it? I don't want to believe it either. But it's the truth. And I handled my truth. If I hadn't used that last pregnancy test kit... IF. I'm sick of IFs.
I've found a new lease of life, and I'm not letting it go.
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