phobias
I have never thought or known that I had claustrophobia. In fact, it has never ever crossed my mind that I have any other types of 'phobias' other than my partial fear of heights(altophobia, they call it?), fear of losing my loved ones(I don't know if there's a specific term for it) and roachaphobia(my own invention for fear of cockroaches).
Yes, I get that nagging feeling of being afraid to fall when I am on high places. I get weak in the knees when I climb up a tall ladder or to walk on a narrow, high platform. But I call it partial fear of heights, because I do love heights - I love flying, and I love being on a high building, looking out at the beautiful scenery from above. Weird huh?
And I always have this fear of losing all the people that I love, a deep, boiling fear. (That's all I have to say about it for now.)
And yes, I'm one of those who scream my lungs out when a cockroach appears in front of me. Maybe it was because of this one time, when I was still in primary school(but I can't remember my exact age then), having late supper at the dining table all by myself, when I felt something crawling up my right leg. It felt like, just some little thingies pressing lightly against my skin. Then it crawled up higher and higher until I felt it right at the top of my thigh, near where the leg opening of my shorts was. I looked down at my thigh, and there it was...a dark brown, super fat, super huge cockroach with super long legs and super long feelers, molesting my thigh and looking at me as if saying "Hello there! Nice thigh! Mind if I crawl up higher to explore other nicer bits?"
Well I didn't have the time to think of all that. My reaction was instantaneous. I screamed. I was eating noodles, and threw my fork and spoon out of my hands and they fell to the floor with a clang! clang! and bits of noodles here and there. And at the same time while all that was happening, I jumped about a metre back from my dining table and almost knocked my chair over backwards(but surprisingly it seemed to move swiftly to one side on its own).
I don't remember much of what happened after THAT...but I do remember not being able to fall asleep. I had washed my arms and legs with lots of soap and wiped them so hard my skin was almost red. But I couldn't fall asleep; every few seconds, I kept feeling those legs, those feelers, on different parts of my body. Every strand of hair that touches the back of my neck or the side of my face, gave me goosepimples. Argh. It was horrible.
But claustrophobia? That idea was introduced by my husband. I was lying in bed one night, facing up, and he put an arm around my chest, hugging me from the side. My instant reaction was this: I froze for a full 3 seconds, then I screamed and pushed his arm away, breathing heavily. He laughed, and said "You and your claustrophobia. How cute is that."
Then I realised that was not the first time I did that. I always do that(not when making love, though). When a pillow accidentally drops on me, I would automatically slap it away even when I'm half asleep. When I close my room door, I have to open the windows. My bathroom has 2 doors, and when I bathe, and sure that there's noone at the other side, I would keep one door unlocked, 'just in case'. Just in case of what, I don't know. But I hate to be confined in an enclosed area. Being in lifts is ok, as long as the journey up or down doesn't last longer than 15 seconds. Otherwise I'd start feeling sick in my stomach and wishing that the doors would actually open at the next floor. Being in airplanes is ok(since I love flying), but I always feel so much better having a window seat AND the plane door in sight, just in case(and, I repeat, just in case of what, I don't know). I also have this phobia of being buried alive, be it in a casket, or just under the ground. Imagine waking up to an enclosed space, in the dark, not being able to move, not being able to BREATHE...
The weird thing is I know all those symptoms, but I've never actually thought of myself as being claustrophobic. But now that I've realised I am, thanks to good old hubby, I've began to realise that I have so many imperfections. I am so vulnerable as a person. So many FEARS.
Imagine being trapped in a casket full of cockroaches, at a great height...Just imagine that.
Yes, I get that nagging feeling of being afraid to fall when I am on high places. I get weak in the knees when I climb up a tall ladder or to walk on a narrow, high platform. But I call it partial fear of heights, because I do love heights - I love flying, and I love being on a high building, looking out at the beautiful scenery from above. Weird huh?
And I always have this fear of losing all the people that I love, a deep, boiling fear. (That's all I have to say about it for now.)
And yes, I'm one of those who scream my lungs out when a cockroach appears in front of me. Maybe it was because of this one time, when I was still in primary school(but I can't remember my exact age then), having late supper at the dining table all by myself, when I felt something crawling up my right leg. It felt like, just some little thingies pressing lightly against my skin. Then it crawled up higher and higher until I felt it right at the top of my thigh, near where the leg opening of my shorts was. I looked down at my thigh, and there it was...a dark brown, super fat, super huge cockroach with super long legs and super long feelers, molesting my thigh and looking at me as if saying "Hello there! Nice thigh! Mind if I crawl up higher to explore other nicer bits?"
Well I didn't have the time to think of all that. My reaction was instantaneous. I screamed. I was eating noodles, and threw my fork and spoon out of my hands and they fell to the floor with a clang! clang! and bits of noodles here and there. And at the same time while all that was happening, I jumped about a metre back from my dining table and almost knocked my chair over backwards(but surprisingly it seemed to move swiftly to one side on its own).
I don't remember much of what happened after THAT...but I do remember not being able to fall asleep. I had washed my arms and legs with lots of soap and wiped them so hard my skin was almost red. But I couldn't fall asleep; every few seconds, I kept feeling those legs, those feelers, on different parts of my body. Every strand of hair that touches the back of my neck or the side of my face, gave me goosepimples. Argh. It was horrible.
But claustrophobia? That idea was introduced by my husband. I was lying in bed one night, facing up, and he put an arm around my chest, hugging me from the side. My instant reaction was this: I froze for a full 3 seconds, then I screamed and pushed his arm away, breathing heavily. He laughed, and said "You and your claustrophobia. How cute is that."
Then I realised that was not the first time I did that. I always do that(not when making love, though). When a pillow accidentally drops on me, I would automatically slap it away even when I'm half asleep. When I close my room door, I have to open the windows. My bathroom has 2 doors, and when I bathe, and sure that there's noone at the other side, I would keep one door unlocked, 'just in case'. Just in case of what, I don't know. But I hate to be confined in an enclosed area. Being in lifts is ok, as long as the journey up or down doesn't last longer than 15 seconds. Otherwise I'd start feeling sick in my stomach and wishing that the doors would actually open at the next floor. Being in airplanes is ok(since I love flying), but I always feel so much better having a window seat AND the plane door in sight, just in case(and, I repeat, just in case of what, I don't know). I also have this phobia of being buried alive, be it in a casket, or just under the ground. Imagine waking up to an enclosed space, in the dark, not being able to move, not being able to BREATHE...
The weird thing is I know all those symptoms, but I've never actually thought of myself as being claustrophobic. But now that I've realised I am, thanks to good old hubby, I've began to realise that I have so many imperfections. I am so vulnerable as a person. So many FEARS.
Imagine being trapped in a casket full of cockroaches, at a great height...Just imagine that.
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