i don't know why i'm still alive

^ Well, I guess simply because God wants me to be alive. Yes, after countless debates(with my friends and most importantly with myself), I have come to the conclusion that I do believe in God. I never thought it would ever come to a stage where I would doubt the existence of God, because, wild & un-pious as I may be, I have always been a God believer. But lots of things happened in my life; things that challenge my beliefs; things that break me. I'd like to think that I'm stronger than I was, say, 2 years ago. However, deep inside me I could hear my own voice telling me that I am so weak. So very fucking weak. Sometimes I don't know what to believe. Sometimes life presents itself in a clear picture right in front of my eyes, but still my mind can't comprehend anything & all I see are blurred visions of chaos & complexity. What I know is this - that I am not the person I used to be. Maybe none of us are.