'short tongue' or bad habit?

I saw an advertisement somewhere which read 'Speak well. Be understood.' Singaporeans are encouraged to speak good English(and of course, at the same time, encouraged to speak their own mother tongue often).

But 'Speak well. Be understood.'?

I have always found that here in Singapore, if you speak proper English, the average Singaporean will NOT understand you. People will go "haa?" or "what?" and you have to re-phrase whatever it is you were saying, simple & 'Singaporean' enough for them to understand. And that, I find, is very annoying.

I do not use 'big words' when speaking to people(heck, my vocabulary is as large as a pea!) & no, I have no speech problem. From what I gather, the way I speak is not 'Singaporean' enough. "What?!" I told one of my friends who told me that. "You mean 'lah' is not Singaporean?!" Apparently, one has to speak in sentences that contain 'lah', 'meh', 'hor', 'lor', etc & mispronunciations in each & every sentence in order to qualify. Fine.

Below is a non-exhaustive list of 'words' that irritate the hell outta me, but, of course, sound Singaporean.

sumore - some more
lumber - number
numbel - number
cohr - call
corrite - correct
mobahr - mobile
smahl - smile
skoo - school
cancerh - cancel
and of course...penees - penis

Heh...