!

I'm at work, and work sucks. I wanna be on the beaches of Langkawi once more, sunbathing half naked & feeling the warm wind blowing on my face. A relaxing honeymoon with my baby. I don't wanna be here at work, but then somehow I do wanna be here. Something pushing me away, but at the same time something pulling me back. Something? Or is it someone?

My thoughts are in a complete mess. Are my feelings, too?

I brought one of my wedding photos to work & put it up at my workstation. I am married, I keep telling myself. Married. Never been a good girl but I have to be now. A responsible wife. I must be faithful to my husband. I can't keep living a life full of guilt. "What makes me happy?" I keep asking myself. I can't define happiness. See, it's like love. You can't define it, it just happens and you just feel the flutter in your heart. Love & happiness, they are always related. Or are they one and the same?

I must be a good girl.

Damn. I'm getting a terrible headache from all this.

I. Must. Be. Good.